Everything started close here. At my fingertips. I decided to get rid of this habit. I was married and I had a job for few years, but I was still at school as I noticed, standing under the blackboard on mathematics. I was terrified, I was shamed, I didn`t know what to do. I was shocked, tensed and feel stupid. It was one of the reason, why I was biting my nails. My parents was asking “don’t bite you nails please”, but my father was biting them also, so I was. Then I read that this is a sign of intelligent people so I was thought it was fine an so on.
I was 27, and I decided to stop it, I was an adult and I shamed that I shame to my fingers with cracked nails in the contact with other people. Many times I had an impression that they are looking at my hands with pity. Stare or look surreptiously.
It cheated on me. That I was still not so confident as I would like to be. I was cheating on myself. Like an Achilles heel it reminded me to shrink my hands in company.
I was tired of pretending to be “normal”, “calm”, “confident”. It just didn`t work anymore. I wanted to be happy for real.
The psychological and life experience background of the moment is bigger, more complicated and not so simple. But at the end of my reflections it was just about my nails and the blackboard on mathematics.
Anyway a try to stopping biting nails, the D E C I S I O N, I`ve made, started a process of mindful changes that lead me to faceing myself and 3 years later accidentally it droped me at the field of Alexander Technique to proof that this constructive and conscious process never ends.